DEAR GRANNY

Ben Harrison & Dr. Sheila Pennington

Reflecting on a lifetime of meaningful memories with her grandmother, a twenty something young woman from St. Vincent has been thinking of the many feelings she wished she had expressed when her Granny was alive.

She is not alone. Many of us have had parents, grandparents, teachers and friends who have been important catalysts in actually changing the direction of our lives. Many of us have regretted avoiding quality time with our elderly and/or ill relatives and special people during their last few years, months or even days before death.

Perhaps when we think about visiting family or friends confined to hospitals or home we feel uncomfortable, wondering what to say or not say, or what actions would be appropriate. Your presence or the touch of your hand is so reassuring. Rather than analyzing how we should visit or communicate; just “Do it!” And if the person has already passed on, it is still not too late to express those feelings that were left unspoken.

On the anniversary of her Grandmother’s death, the above mentioned granddaughter felt disappointed in herself by her own lack of participation in her Granny’s funeral; and discouraged by the lack of respect and gratitude she witnessed from certain family members and friends on this first year anniversary of her Granny’s death. She remembered fondly the love they had shared, and the heart-felt meaning of all that had happened during their times together. She decided to take action and express those feelings. She wrote her a letter to her Granny and she has given The Vincentian permission to share that letter with our readers.

Dear Granny:
So much has changed since you left. I always knew that you were the glue that was keeping this family together. But now we are all strangers. I still think that this is all a bad dream, that sometime soon I’ll wake up and we’ll all be around your dining room table, eating and talking, laughing about the past and making plans for the future. Maybe we’d come to your house for lunch all sitting and hoping against hope that an hour would last forever.

Life is complicated. I feel bad Granny because I know that your children loved you but they never knew how to show you. I feel bad because you couldn’t live forever and that’s something that I have to accept. That’s the way things are, I can’t change them. I hate that I can’t.

I know that you had a good life and that it was well lived. I see you alive in nature, I know how much you loved it, how much you cherished every blade of grass and every smell and organism that the earth produced. I miss you. Everybody and everything has changed.
I’m ready to leave this stiff, ugly part of my life and move on. Some days are better than others, just like the attitudes and words of some people.

I wish you were still here. I wish I’d spent more time with you. I hope that you know that I love you and I wouldn’t give up the memories that I have of you for anything. I’m glad that I knew you, that I loved you and even though it hurts when I think that I’ll never hear that voice or walk into your house and smell your delicious cooking or help you comb your hair. I know that I once did all of those things and more than that even though I may cry I’m glad that you influenced my life positively and that you loved me.

I’m happy and fortunate that I knew and loved Angela Dalrymple

Signed: Magpie

As we celebrate Easter weekend, what better time than now to follow “Magpie’s” example; relive the memory of those persons who have been special in our lives. Find a quiet space and say or write those things you wish you had shared with them when they were alive. You cannot mail or send your thoughts and feelings through the internet, but metaphorically, through your memories, they will find the place they need to rest, and you will feel closer to the one(s) you miss and love.

The result will bring closure and renewal, an Easter gift to yourself and to their memory.